Hi Juno. It's been a long time. I want to think that you're doing fine wherever you are because over here, it's a mess.
Over at the kitchen sink a kingdom of plates and grease is colonizing. On the bed there's a mountain of laundry while at the sofa a tangle of wires and gadgets. All over the floor, carcasses of baby cockroaches litter as the stench of the insect killer linger in the air. Everywhere else are wrappers, loom bands, paper, envelopes, cups, hair strands, crumbs, pamphlets, and dust. I'm a real mess, Juno. Everyone just left.
Over at the kitchen sink a kingdom of plates and grease is colonizing. On the bed there's a mountain of laundry while at the sofa a tangle of wires and gadgets. All over the floor, carcasses of baby cockroaches litter as the stench of the insect killer linger in the air. Everywhere else are wrappers, loom bands, paper, envelopes, cups, hair strands, crumbs, pamphlets, and dust. I'm a real mess, Juno. Everyone just left.
I am writing this as I lay hunched on the little space on the bed where the covers peek out. I can feel my spine curving, it hurts to straighten it. I hear droplets of water on the bathroom but I'm too afraid but mostly lazy to get up and trudge on the pile of junk to get there. The light has been on for more than 24 hours, it has blinked at least three times already. No sunlight has penetrated into the bedroom since they left. I have been binge-watching a series about this girl who lives with a bunch of guys and then gets involved with one of them. It's stupid, to say the least.
I'm hungry but I don't want to move. I wonder if I stay still long enough, keep watching these shows, eat whatever my hand can reach among the jumble of half-eaten snacks on the floor, will somebody come knocking on the door, looking for me? or will I succumb to starvation or stagnation first then die?
Remember back in college when we used to take just spoonful of meals from each of our housemates because we don't have money for food? Remember going from restaurant to restaurant asking for free water then hopping from orientation to orientation for free meals? Remember just sleeping to let the hunger pass? I'm really hungry and this time no one is around, no restaurant is nearby, no orientations in the big city, and no rest for my alert mind.
I don't want to deal with the loss. I know, it's not like they're dead but they're gone from my life all the same. For the first time in a long time, I would deal with myself, with this body. Confront the person inside me and worse take care of myself. I can't do this, I'm reverting back to a standstill. My head hurts just being alone with my thoughts. I want to escape. Leave as well. Where are you Juno?
It doesn't matter though. Whether you're here or not, it won't make a difference because I'm too far gone into my head. Where is everybody going? When will they come back? My head hurts.
Goodbye, Juno.
